Zero hits!

Haha – zero hits today, as in goose egg! In another life, I’d be saddened by that fact, but in this post-facebook stage of mine, it is veritably liberating. A blog with no readership is simply a diary, and what exactly is wrong with that? Of course it is a rather public diary, that may or may not be discovered later. It is ironic – and I swear I say this without bitterness – that the many eager fans of my facebook statusing have nary an inclination to poke their head in this direction. In fairness, I haven’t exactly been Mr. Prolific in these quarters, so no bad blood.

Honestly, quitting has been far simpler than I imagined it would be. Far happier. Suddenly, the noise is just GONE. The addictive tick of scrolling through the news feed on my iPhone, that sense of just being a cog amidst the noisy workings of a massive, aimless machine, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing? Just evaporated – lifted and gone.

While I thought I might feel loneliness, I feel nothing of the sort. I just graded a stack of musical analyses that in the days of heavy facebook absorption would essentially have been an entire evening’s endeavor. Now I’m popping in for ten or twelve minutes to write this little communique (to future generations, scholars, you could say) and then I’ll get back to piles of paperwork, and if I’m diligent, even some lovely time at the piano. Who had time to pound that wooden thing even last week?

I feel a kind of sanity arising within me, not to make you puke, but really a groundedness. I am squarely planted in the here and now, under my roof, concerned primarily with my own comings and goings and those of the people I love (and like a lot). It’s just rather high-sterical that this feels to me like a novel invention. Like I’ve discovered some new form of living, some way of being absolutely modern.

I am not here to proselytize; but honestly, I suggest you quit too. I really do. You think you can’t, that it’s impossible, that life is just different now. I read somewhere that someone said if you’re not on facebook you’re just invisible. That’s true maybe. But isn’t invisibility the thing we all most desire? I mean – what’s more powerful than Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility, really? And all it takes to conjure one of your own is to deactivate? Too easy! Life isn’t really so different now. You don’t HAVE to be plugged in. You can turn on, tune in, and drop out, or maybe one or two of the above.

Okay – maybe you’ve barfed by now. I apologize. Don’t mean to be self righteous and smug. But right about now, oh dear zero readers, I feel pretty pretty darn happy with me old self. (Not the least of which because I’ve already completely crushed Arghablog productivity for the whole of 2010. Of course…I did that with the LAST post, actually.)

kbye!

 

On quitting Facebook – part 1

Oh hello! It’s been a while, to be sure. But it’s still me. I checked the blog stats for this page, and was delighted to see that for reasons completely unbeknownst to me, five whole people clicked on this blog today! Oh –  well maybe because I mentioned this address in my farewell facebook status. Yeah, probably that, actually.

I really didn’t give many detailed reasons over there. So I thought I’d post some here, where I have a readership of essentially zero, but where I know I can find this post, this record of my own thinking at this particular juncture on my path, whenever I choose. It won’t be lost some endless number of screens beyond reach.

Okay – so without further ado. Here are some reasons why I quit. And it goes without saying that by “quit” I mean “deactivated,” which is not quite as extreme (or as difficult) as “deleted”. I can go back, if I so choose. And I don’t swear on my life that I won’t, some day. But not now.

Reasons.

1. The time suck. Of course. But to just say I wasted too much time on there is to not really delve into anything. It begs the question of the very nature of wasting time – because surely some leisure activities are not actual wastes of time. So more…

2. My best thinking deserves to be elsewhere. People liked my statuses – I was rather popular on facebook. Sometimes big conversations would ensue under my statuses, with 20 or sometimes even 50 or 60 comments. This was a source of pleasure to me. I would, from time to time, consciously choose witty or clever statuses, or provocative ones, in order to generate some sort of scene on my facebook.

But facebook statuses are as useless a place to deposit fine thinking as I can imagine. Why? Because unlike blog posts, they aren’t archived in a way that makes them easily searchable. Ever want to go see what you were posting on facebook a year ago? Well good luck clicking “older posts” until you’re blue in the face.

Furthermore, my creativity really ought to go into more serious projects. My composition. The book I’m writing. That kind of thing. Clearly this isn’t an issue for everyone, but it became one for me.

3. A false social life. Being on facebook did wonders to stave off feelings of loneliness. We all feel lonely, in some way or another, from time to time. But with facebook there is this endless chorus of voices out there, always jabbering, eager to hear your own jabbering, making you feel like part of a community. But ultimately, much of this social interchange is hollow. Of the hundred people who tell you happy birthday, for instance, how many of them would actually remember it if it weren’t in your Info? Remember what it was like to get a phone call from a friend on your birthday? I have two or three friends whose birthdays I remember (and a bunch more relatives). And I call them each year. I go out of my way NOT to say happy birthday on their wall.

There is no threshold of intimacy for facebook contact. People friend you who are barely acquaintances, and then feel free to comment on your wall. I don’t have a problem with this. But the net effect is to neutralize all communication, so that words from a dear friend appear no differently than words from someone who makes you think, how do I know that dude? It’s just so easy.

Remember when emailing was considered impersonal (as compared to, say, a phone call?) Now it’s downright intimate, since mostly people shoot you a facebook message, or worse, just comment right there on your wall for all to see.

When I said I was leaving, several folks urged me to reconsider, because they enjoyed being back in touch with me, and thought we wouldn’t be in touch in any other medium. But I very publicly made my contact info available. So what they really were saying is, our friendship doesn’t quite warrant one-on-one contact; just the occasional cohabitation on a comment thread. Is that what it means to be back in touch?

4. I want a private life back. Sure I know, this is all me. I mean, I know plenty of people who are occasional facebook users, and about whom little can be gleaned from trolling their site. But I’m public in my disposition. Facebook, sadly, was made for me. I like to be the center of attention; I like to zap photos of my day to day wanderings right up for all to see. I like to share details of my life that strike me as funny. And what results, unfortunately, is a rather rich chronicle of my day-to-day affairs, my time away from my job, friends, and colleagues, my time with my family. I need to regain a sense of personal mystery. There are moments of my life – or perhaps even whole categories of time (say, after teaching), that ought to be available only to those who know me well: close friends, family.

5. I get caught up in other people’s lives. People I don’t even care that much about. People who just happen to post a lot. I find myself feeling jealous, or sympathetic, supportive, hopeful, angry. I need to reserve these emotions, which take much out of me, for those with whom I’ve cast my lot. I’m no hater of humanity; but my days are short, and I am stretched thin. I need to remember who most needs my attention.

6. I spend time worrying about developing the version of myself I present to the world, at the expense of developing myself. Things sometimes take on value in direct proportion to how sharable they are in my facebook status. I might like to practice some Beethoven for a couple of hours one day. That’s great. But do I need to share that with the world? If I do, aren’t I doing only to construct the image of myself in other people’s minds that I would like them to have? Studious. Devoted. Musical. Driven. I need to BE those things, not to APPEAR to be.

7. Facebook is diluting friendship. Are we ALL friends? Forever? Are we meant to be? Aren’t there people who were important to us, but who are no longer helpful or useful as friends? Don’t we have falling outs, breakups, or just move on for a reason? Now we’re all just friends forever. And with so many friends, what and where is real friendship? You wanna be my friend? Call me up. Too much? Okay, send me an email. Do we have something to talk about – might we grab a bite, a coffee, catch a movie, or have a whiskey skype?

Anyway – there are some thoughts for now. Will I wait another year and a half before I post on dear old arghablog again? Who knows. But it should be clear that the death of arghablog, and its sister saxandsons, was facebook. Gradually it began to seem like, why post in this intimate, inner space, when hundreds of people would instantly see anything I put on facebook? Of course the answer is that, the people who tuned into these blogs went out of their way to do so. They came to me, I didn’t force my way into their feed. So maybe, just maybe, there’s some room for renewed blogging in my newly forming ethos. In any case, old fan or newly stumbled-upon, I am grateful for your loving gaze.